Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Schweden: Week 1

IEGS: International English Gay School

Oh, wait...

After spending almost 5 days in Sweden, I have come up with a little theory. If you haven't ever slept in Sweden, you haven't ever slept at all.

Especially during Christmas time, when you sleep just a little longer, so Santa Claus can have that little extra time to climb back up the chimney or wherever the hell he came from.

Think about it - it's comfortably dark outside, the snow is gentle but persistent, and just looking outside the window makes you shudder at how cold it probably is; but that thought is quickly overrun by the realization that its just so fucking cosy under this blanket! then you crawl back in and cuddle with your girlfriend, and sleep a few more hours.

Rinse and repeat.

This day however, my eyes were wide open with shock, because Julia was gently coaxing me into waking up.

It's 5 in the fucking morning

I knew better than to defy, because under that calm exterior is a Nazi waiting to be unleashed xD

Anks, you only get 5 minutes in the shower, ok? 5 MINUTES. I mean it.

A couple of minutes later, I'm lazily brushing my teeth, vaguely aware of what's going on around me when I hear another firm knock on the door.

It's not Santa Claus.

Anky, this counts in the 5 minutes too, so now you have only 2 minutes for a shower. Oh, and here's the shampoo.

Soon, we head south east, braving the biting cold, foot deep snow, and the deathly silent night; making our way towards the hallowed isles of Sodermalm, where Julia goes to school.

Today, she's going to dress up like the pope and sing Christmas carols. I can't miss this :D

When we reach their practice hall, I'm exposed to a abrasive brazenness and awkwardness of these girls in the span of 5 minutes.

After all, I was this guy, sitting in the middle of a girls dressing room. It was going to be a nice little social experiment. You know I love those ;)

The room is empty, Julia and a couple other girls are changing behind the wall. Just then, a girl walks in. Evidently out of breath, and not too sure what to do after noticing a random stranger on her turf.

She is a deer caught in a pair of headlights. She completely ignores me at first. Looks to each corner of the room, the mirrors, the walls, the windows - she wants to look at anything but me.

I have a smile on my face.

I should put her out of her misery.

Hey, who're you looking for?

She didn't wait for me to complete my sentence. The second I opened my mouth, she bolts out of the room with dust in the air.

Hmm, that was interesting.

30 seconds later, almost as if destiny wanted to counter my little social experiment, a tall, mean looking, big girl who could wring your throat in a gentle caress walks in. She refuses to acknowledge me as she nonchalantly walks to the centre of the room.

Then she proceeds to change her clothes. Aggressively. If that even makes sense.

I was on the spot now, and I didn't really know what to do. Not used to random big girls walking up and changing like I was gay or something.

I decided to avert my eyes and instead focus on the relatively less painful copy of the school's brochure on my lap.

Uhh awkward.
Whatever, soon it was time for the Lucia thingee! I met up with Julia's friends (who are all really, really sweet)

Nestled between Victoria and Psysai, I watched the Ku Klux Klan party begin. If you don't believe me that thats what it looked like, then check this out:

Julia is in the middle, with the many candles on her head. All hail the Pope! Anyway, for those who don't know, Julia is an AWESOME singer.

I'm guessing that the school couldn't handle my awesomeness, because I could only be there when Julia was, and at that time my girlfriend had to take a test. So we decided to go to Psysai's house.

...where I was introduced to Alexander Wyckoff.

Somehow, the dude just oozes fun, but soon the school had recovered enough to let me back in again. I took this chance to do some adventuring on my own, while my girlfriend was practicing for her Inter House Song Competition - thing.

Unfortunately, the school is patrolled by Sweden's very own version of Filch from Harry Potter. Mr. T. Doesn't that sound sinister? Well he is. And he doesnt like random indieboys loitering in the corridors.

Hence, in true Anky fashion, I hurled myself into the first door I saw, pulled up a chair to the table, and acted like I knew what I was doing.

I hoped that all the other kids didn't think this was retarded and snitch on me.

Then I looked up.

On my left was big scary Lucia girl, looking big and scary.

I gulped

Then I turned to the right, saw an acquaintance and heaved a relief. It was the other Alex. I wasn't going to get ratted out to Mr.T to be roughed up :D

As a reward, I proceeded to sow all hell and confusion in that room. I accused people of being Russian spies, showed them pictures of my pet elephants, claimed to be doing work for the government that I wasn't allowed to talk about, and in the end said I was a new student in the school, just trying to find my way around.

Big and scary girl was in splits, and wanted to paint on my forehead. Maybe thats her way of showing gratitude.

Another girl across the table - Liz - said 3 words in the whole conversation, between creepily staring at me, and giggling like a maniac. That was my cue to make a swift exit.

So I left, realizing that my girlfriend had felt my absence and set off the urgency alarm, leading to a massive manhunt.

But I found my Julestar soon after, and we hugged and we were reunited ^^


I looked at my watch.

It was just past noon on a Monday morning. Sweden promises to be fun.

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