Saturday, February 28, 2009

So I'm back from my hiatus, and it would have truly taken something so incredibly fucked up to bring me back.

I just spent the last 4 hours watching Parental Control. How retarded is that? O_o

Sunday, February 15, 2009

मैंने आज से वचन लिया है की मई अब सिर्फ़ हिन्दी में ही पोस्ट करूँगा।

हिन्दी हमारी राष्ट्रभाषा है, और हमें इसका रोज़ इस्तमाल करना चाहिए।

और ठंडे पानी से नहाना चाहिए।
गूगल ट्रांस्लितेरेशन इस अ जोअक ।
हाहा अवेसोमे इ कैन नो राइट इन हिन्दी ओं माय अवेसोमे ब्लॉग। ल्म्फाओ।

एंड नोन ऑफ़ यू क्नोव वहत थे फुक्क इ'म व्रितिंग नो।


ठाट वास अ लौगह।

इ'म अच्तुअल्ली सो फुच्किंग बोर्ड ठाट आईएम हविंग तो टाइप थिस सहित इन हिन्दी.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Women, women, women.

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

I've had my share of weird experiences with the illogical sex before, but that was really just quite something else. Of all the books I'd want to write someday, chick logic would be the top of my list always.

Oh well, it's time to stake out. It might be a very lonely valentines day in the end. Or maybe I'll decide to creep out of my hole for the first time in the last 3 weeks. Don't hold your breath for it though. I'll probably spend the long weekend watching Mythbusters on TV. Or playing Red Alert 3. Blood and gore on Valentine's weekend. How romantic.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Apparently my roomie is a bit of a prankster. He went into the other hall and fucked up some guys room. So the other guy decided it was a great time to take a piss on our door. Our fuckin' door. And then he left a bottle full of leftover diseased-ridden piss and tipped it on our door. So when my roomie opened it, there was piss all over him. Lmao
I surprise myself sometimes. I almost cried today because I got a B on a grammar test. Lol, I'm such a stuck up nerd.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Almost Maradona

"...Anky receives the ball just behind the half-way line. The crowd cheer him on as he turns around to face goal. Anky is flawlessly upto speed already. He charges at goal, full steam! Rajan dives into intercept...ooooh! Beautifully done by Anky! A swivel of the hips and he jinks past the despairing defender! Oooh! He does it again! Anky is running riot here! Surely a goal here!!! Anky is one on one with the keeper, he's about to shoot! He has to score! He aims for the corneerrrr!!!!

...and the ball gets stuck in the mud."


Junkyard Wars

My roommate was looking for something today. Hence, he gathered the courage to look under my bed. Big mistake.

My jaw hung low as he proceeded to pull out about a dozen k-mart plastic bags, our long lost vaccuum cleaner, his Physics text book, my student employment forms, my iPod headphones, a bunch of tissue rolls, a sock, a hairband (lolwtf?), a toothbrush, a bunch of hair, the lock i'd lost long ago, and two weeks worth of underwear. Everything you could possibly imagine. There was only one thing that was left. And my mouth went dry again when he handed me the kitchen sink.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

This Can Only Happen in America

So me, Manfred and Fernando are in Manfred's very cramped up 2 seater car. It's 1 am and it's chilly outside. We just got out of a movie and we pass a Taco Bell on the way. I can't resist the urge.

"DUDE, cmon pull into the Drive-thru! I need to get something to eat."

So...we pull up, and we're deciding what to eat. There's this middle-aged woman standing in front of the microphone. She starts talking as soon as our car arrives on the spot.

Woman: "Hey, I'll have two burritos."
Taco guy: "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't take walk-up orders at this time"
Woman: "Do I look like I give a fuck?"

Me: "Doesn't work ma'am, I've tried that before."
Woman: "Awww :( Well I walked here because I'm too drunk to drive anyway.

-- At this point, Manfred's eyes light up. I'm in a state of shock at the quickness of his hormones. And also, as an afterthought, SHE'S PROBABLY 45 YEARS OLD!!!

Manfred: "We could buy it for you miss"
Woman: "Awww, thanks :) (Into speaker: "See? FUCK YOU! They're buying it for me!)

At this point, I'm just going like WHAT THE HELL? and Fernando is in splits laughing.

...and Manfred is hell bent on getting laid tonight. I make the wise decision to make Fernando record the whole thing on video.

By this point, there's a whole truckload of cars waiting behind us in the drive-thru, but surprisingly these ultra-civil Yanks just sat there. No honking, no nothing, while my South American friend tried to pick up a wrinkly blonde 45 year old.

"...I love your outfit..."

And just at that point, the woman's drunk(er) friend walks up. She looks as if she walked out of Mowgli and Jungle book, or something. Her hair is all frizzy and blonde, and her skin looks like it's going thru global warming. Fernando is loving this. Manfred is probably throbbing at this point lol. He turns to us and goes "Duude, she is sooo dooable!!"

Me: "Manfred, this woman isn't younger. She's probably 40, at least."
Manfred: "Yeah but I'd do her"
Me: "...."

The new woman is apparently quite promiscuous. First thing she does is lean into our window, and introduce herself, just like any other classy, self respecting woman at 1 am on the street.

"Hi, I'm trisha, and this is my friend torrie! We're T-N-T!"
Me and Fernando: "Hahahahahahahahahahha what the fuck!!!???"

Then the chick looks at me and goes "oooooh you look like troubleee!!! ooommggg torrie he's so cute! can I please take you home??"

"...Fuck no."

Manfred still wants to get laid though.

Later they walk off and Manfred jumps out the front door, hands the keys to Fernando and takes off after them.

Me and Fernando decide this is too good to miss, so he takes out his camera phone and we screw the take away and head on to where the 'party' is at. We go around and get to Manfred.

Me: "Hey dude, did you find 'em?"
Him: "Yeah..."
Me: "...?"
Him: "They're over there...go karting."

Please excuse me while I laugh myself to sleep. Two drunk women, old enough to be grandmas go-karting at 1 am. Stuff of legend.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Today's weather

Active Advisory: Freeze Warning, Hard Freeze Warning, Wind Chill Warning, Fire Weather Warning (US Severe Weather)

Quite fitting that I'm walking into a stormy Math exam in a few minutes.

I love Florida.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Stone Cold

Temperature forecast for your area:

Daytona Beach, Florida-32114.
Today, mostly clear skies, temperature: -4 degrees celsius.

Please kill me now.


P.s> I just realised that there's about 10 chicks who follow my blog that I know of. I feel soo like the Backstreet Boys. Lmao

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tied down

I spent 2 full hours today, trying to tie a tie. I shit you not, there is zero exaggeration here, I spent 2 full hours, pulling that stupid silky shit from one end to the other, and then back, and then back to where I started in the first place. I have never known anything as frustrating and irritating

Obviously, my loving girlfriend is always there to document my sorrows, and watch me burn helplessly. (Not as much as Tanvi's 5 friends who follow this blog, though. You know who you are. Sickos!) Well she didn't really watch me burn, but rather giggled, smirked and slapped her head while I burned. It was pretty damn frustrating. Obviously, what's a man's sorrow without a few pictures? I shall shamelessly steal a couple of pictures off Julia's blog with the scintillating 'print screen' button. If you haven't used it yet folks, try it. It's awesomeness.

Tidbit for today:

ancki Skunkworks casanovic | says:

*help ancki Skunkworks casanovic | says:

shruti says:
F*** off

-Goes offline-

I crack myself up sometimes :D

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mmhm, feels good to be waking up at 5:59 a.m opposed to usually hitting the hay at this time.

Anyway, I have some news for you peoples.

I am on the path to self improvement.



I'll leave a moment for that to sink in.


So, the mission for today, is to completely eradicate fillers from my speech. It's almost exactly (lol) 6 am at the moment, and my job is to go without fillers for the whole day.

What are fillers? Why, thought you'd never ask! Today, I'm working on my voice and delivery, so, first of all; all the errs, umms, y'knows, likes HAVE TO GO! Then..

-oh crap, my roomie just walked in and I just broke all the rules :( This is going to be harder than I thought- where was I? Yeah, I have to get rid of those fillers. Then, I'm going to call random people out of a phone book, and ask for movie recommendations. THAT, is part of a bet. If I can get 3 completely unknown people to recomment me a movie, I win.

It's going to be fun.