Monday, July 6, 2009


The rain is frigid, Gujjus have suddenly become generous, Juhu beach looks surprisingly clean, and even the disgusting old men staring at my girlfriend look funny these days.

WTF is happening to the world?

And to top it all off, I AM AWAKE AT 9 IN THE MORNING!!!

Do you know how rare that is? Fuck Blue Moons, I'm guessing it won't be long before I start saying 'Once in an early morning'

Anyway, SO much to tell you about!

As you all know, I am far from being 21 years of age, which you have to be if you want to go to a club in Mumbai.

As you all know, even a 12 year old can get into a club in Mumbai.

As you all know, I look even younger than that, and hence it is 'delicate' (to say the least) for me to get in.

But then it was Julia's birthday, and we all know how much she likes needlessly blowing money to shake that sexy Scandinavian rumpa under all those flashing lights! :D

Besides, my dad had just paid for an all expenses paid trip to the best Italian restaurant in town. (including chauffeur and all) It would only be fitting to truly end the Julzini's birthday with a bang :D


So we got to 'Bling', and it's raining like hell. It's a Friday evening, and the bouncers look fat and bald. It's like the same guy is standing outside every club. Hehe.

He asks me for an ID. WTF? With my Jedi mind powers, I convince him to let me speak to the manager. He insists it should be Julia who speaks to the manager. WTF? So now she's the man of the relationship. I take the tissues out of my pink purse and weep.

The manager is non-committal, and he starts randomly wishing my girlfriend a happy birthday, both of them conveniently forgetting about me. I feel all left out.

Finally, I realise the power of feminine kind, as Julia kind of blushes, rapidly bats her perfectly manicured eyelashes, looks kinda down with a broad smile on her lips, and goes 'But its my birthday! Can you pleaaaaaaaase do something?'

Lol, even the fucking 30 year old club manager was tooled and let us go in. Wahoo!

Challenge No.1: Defeated

Now was the true test of my character.

I had to...


Holy shit, I'm the kind of guy who would look like a pig doing a pirouette if I danced. The reason Jesus wept was that I tried to do a moonwalk. fuck fuck fuck.

I had to think of something, and FAST.

I was going to ruin my GFs birhtday and tarnish my reputation forever!!! OH NOES!!!!!


And then, hope.

I tiny, miniscule little ray of hope. I had an idea. Behind Jules, I saw this other couple who looked like they knew what they were dancing.

So I just turned my girlfriend to directly face her back to them. I looked straight past her head, and mimicked every friggin move they made.

A couple of times Julia asked me what I was looking at, but I just pretended to not hear her over the noise. Very sneaky Ankzini! :D

At the end of the night, Jules was like 'What was that about you being a bad dancer? You're awesome!'

I looked up at the stars, and laughed maniacally within myself.

Bwa ha ha ha

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