Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Lessons from The Master

They were all shivering in their shoes; cowering in the aisles; bowing their heads, praying desperately to their Krishnas and Allahs not to be spotted as His Majesty glided by, his royal cape in tow. He had absolutely devastated the street, and they had no answer to him. Their meagre powers no match for him.

Yes ladies, gents, and those undecided, I HAVE FOUND THE CURE THAT HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS THE WORLD OVER HAVE BEEN WAITING SO DESPERATELY FOR, FOR CENTURIES. Millennia, even. It's a simple concept - bargaining.

People shudder at the very thought of the word...SHOPPING.

Yes, I went shopping with the Jules again yesterday. This time, we chose Colaba as our target. Before that though, we visited the Gateway of India first.

It's pretty disgusting now, disgusting and hairy old men everywhere. Julia was oblivious to this though, I always wonder how she does that. Anyway, while we're clicking away at the Gateway, this random dude approaches us:

"Medam, can we take a picture with you?"

Hmm, I think I'm getting used to this.


"What the fuck?"
"Sir aapke saath ek picture lena hai, memory ke liye."

And that wasn't all, I watched on with my mouth hanging dry as another 4 dirty disgusting guys walked up behind him, all looking at me expectantly. I think it would suffice to say that it was disgusting. They were trying to give me the 'puppydog look'! THE PUPPYDOG LOOK FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! Can you believe that?

A bunch of dark hairy 40 year old men trying to cutely look into my eyes and hoping to convince me!

They convinced me alright, TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE :O

So we ran before those puppydogs came panting their tongues and wagging their tails after us. A quick sidestep onto the street, and we were on this awesome-ass shopping place.

My eyes lit up - bargaining :D

We ended up buying:

1 pair of glares
3 pashimi scarves or something
1 PC game (My gf is a nerd)
2 wrist bands
2 ankle bracelets (none for me, ty)
Something else I can't remember.

Anyway, the formula for bargaining success is quite simple actually.

First, ask him to show you the thingee you want.
"Okay, how much for this?"
"X rupees sir."
"Hahahaha are you friggin kidding me? No no, tell me you're kidding, please."
"No sir"
"Ok, I'll tell you what, I'll give you half of X."
"Arey sir I have a business to run! I can't do that! I'll give you Rs.10 off!"
"Hey look, I live far away, not going to come again, I don't even have the money, so give me 3/4th X or I'm leaving."
"Sir, I can't do that, please try to understand..."
"Ok, whatever trevor, we're leaving..."
"Arey siiiiiiiiiiir! Wait I'll sell it to you!!!"

That sounds as awesome in real life as it does on the internet :D

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